It is good that you have begun your therapy at your community mental health agency but you think it may not be helping. Talk to your therapist and be honest about the fact that you feel your work together is not effective. In many clinics, it is relatively common for clients to try several therapists before they find a suitable match.
In addition to individual therapy, you should also consider group therapy. Some individuals prefer group therapy over individual therapy. There are several advantages of group therapy, including: increased support, increased feedback, increased interactional opportunities, and the chance to practice and to develop social skills. The more people that you can make a positive connection with, the better you will feel. Group therapy is also generally less expensive when compared to individual therapy.
You may also want to investigate the counseling services offered by your college. Most colleges provide their students with short-term, professional mental health care free of charge.
If you were to get a job or were granted the necessary financial aid to continue college, I believe that your mindset would change. It is important to keep your situation in perspective. It is a difficult time in your life but that can change. There are many ups and downs in life. That is true for everyone.
Your lack of social support is also contributing to the problem. If you had more support from friends or from family, then you would be less likely to consider suicide. That is one reason why it is imperative for you to stay connected to a mental health agency, and you can do this by joining a support group or by finding a different therapist.
Individuals who are considering suicide often view their life situation through a prism of hopelessness. Their difficult situation is temporary but they don’t see it that way. They have difficulty envisioning an end to their suffering. Understandably they want their pain to end. Getting help is the answer, not suicide.
I would recommend that you read this article about individuals who attempted suicide and survived. One of the most important messages of the article is that the individuals who attempted suicide and survived were thankful to have lived. In the depths of depression, they incorrectly predicted that their lives would never improve. They were fortunate enough to live to see their lives improve.
Don’t stop trying to get help. Try other therapists. Investigate other types of treatment such as group therapy or psychiatric medication. Remember that even though your life is difficult now it can change. Call 911 or go to the emergency room if you feel that you cannot keep yourself safe. I wish you the best. Take care.