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I can’t trust my boyfriend

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I can’t trust my boyfriend of 15months. He has never given me reason to not trust him except when I first met him he had an issue with drugs which he tried to conquer himself without help. I found out and we tackled it together. Now he is better.

I have several different mental issues. Which is why I joined this site. But what is making my life awful and myself very unhappy is my total lack of trust for my boyfriend. I am suspicious of everything he does. I check his phone. I ask him questions and try and catch him out. If anything untoward happens I automatically think he is either cheating, back on drugs, or stealing off me.

We are together a lot of the time and we are trying to spend a few nights a week apart now because we both need space. But I just can’t stop obsessing over things and worrying. It’s ruining my relationship. I don’t know how to stop.

I need help big time but I can’t afford it. Please help!

I can’t trust my boyfriend

Answered by on -


Your concerns make sense because of all the two of you have been through. The difficulty isn’t in the concerns you have, but the fact that you can’t regulate them, slow them down or stop them.

I think you would want to challenge these thoughts. My encouragement is to use one of our forums and ask others how they have coped with these intrusive, repetitive thoughts. If anyone has been through cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) ask him or her how he or she managed. My guess is that they will give you some pointers on challenging your thoughts and keeping these obsessions at bay.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I can’t trust my boyfriend

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I can’t trust my boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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