MY ex was horrible to me. We were together for 3 years and he’s kicked me out more times than I could count. Kicked me out on Christmas even at 2am (so technically it was Christmas). Conceived a child with his baby mama while we were together. His baby mama’s sister and her friends jumped me and he did little to help me. Then kicked me out 3 days later because I told my family about it. He didn’t want to tell his baby mama we were still together because he didn’t want anymore “drama.” And despite all of that when he quit his job because his baby mama had filed child support I allowed him and his uncle to move in with me and for 3 months I took care of him while he and his uncle sat in the house playing Xbox. After those 3 months he apparently found a job and didn’t tell me and moved out without me knowing (he actually called me and stalled me at the grocery store while he moved!!) So 2 weeks after that incident I rebounded with an ex boyfriend and got pregnant but because initially because the tech was a little off (which was corrected at my first prenatal app. I found out I was pregnant when I went to ER for a pain in stomach) I was honest with him and told him he may not be the father and he knew that more than likely he wasn’t. And he stayed with me my whole pregnancy and encouraged me to include the real father, so when my son was born I did just that, but he didn’t like that and 3 months ago he dumped me after I refused to help him on a down payment on a car (honestly I didn’t even cry when he dumped me I felt so relieved I didn’t even bother to call him or anything but he ended up calling me a week later. Usually we would get back together after a breakup but I didn’t even suggest it because I didn’t want it) and now he’s marrying his baby mama in September. He was horrible and I shouldn’t even have feelings of love for that man. How do I get over this? I don’t even want him back so I don’t understand why it upsets me so much.

A: I am glad you realize that your ex wasn’t good to you and that there is something not okay about wanting to stay in a relationship that was so abusive and damaging.

The work here isn’t so much about getting over him, as to be getting into you. You need to reclaim your life and focus on self-care, intellectual and emotional growth. I recommend you start refocusing your attention on developing yourself. Take classes in the field you are interested in, form some new friendships and relationships to broaden you social network, and start therapy so you can find out why you were drawn to and stayed with a man who did not have your best interest at heart. The find help tab at the top of the page will help you find someone in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral