The frustration I hear in your letter sounds very upsetting and difficult. Let’s see if we can sort this through. While there may be some cultural issues and concerns about expectancies, there are much more important features involved here. What is clear from your letter is that you husband does not have enough respect for you, is controlling and inappropriately accusatory. It is also clear that you do not feel like an equal partner in this relationship and that he doesn’t seem interested in addressing your needs. By your own statement this isn’t exactly the marriage you would have wanted.
The first thing is for you to become empowered. Money is emotional currency in a relationship and the fact that he takes yours and uses it only according to his discretion (which you don’t agree with) is symbolic of the whole relationship. First things first: Find a therapist to work with during this transition. (The find help tab at the top of the page will help you find someone in your country.) At the same time I would also get your own money going to your own account. Don’t wait to have him do it—that is part of what has to change. You must start taking care of your own needs and the first one now is financial. Have your work money go into a separate account. Yes, this will be difficult for you to do, and impossible for him to understand. But waiting for him to attend to your needs is no longer an option.
I would then find a local women’s center and get a referral for a lawyer who can help you protect your rights as you move through this. You need to form a support team. Emotional, financial, and legal issues are on this agenda, and I would strongly encourage you to get your team ready.