I’m sure the last year hasn’t been easy. Give yourself lots of credit for getting into recovery and for taking care of yourself for a whole year. What you are reporting isn’t unusual. Addictions often result in alienation from self and others. The addiction plus the lifestyle of deception that goes along with it can’t coexist with caring and concern.
As strong as you are, you may have done as much as you can on your own. It’s time to look for some assistance. Fortunately you live in a large city where there are many resources. A simple search on the web yielded several places that have counseling services for people in recovery. There are also a number of qualified private therapists in your area. I urge you to research the possibilities.
I do suggest that a support group or group therapy is the best place to start. It’s important not to feel alone as you continue your recovery. It’s important to have a safe place to try out new skills in relating, to get caring feedback, and to get back into the habit of also caring for others. Groups can do that for you.
It’s a small victory that you met a terrific guy. I don’t know if you can fix it with him but you can certainly learn from the experience. You have made a major turnaround in midlife. You have 30 – 40 years ahead of you. Get the help you need so you can really connect with the next fantastic man you meet. You deserve to have that happiness and companionship in the second half of your life.
I wish you well in your continuing recovery.