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Betrayal, lies, and deceit in a committed relationship

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How does a person get over and move on after being involved with person for 5 years and she now lies, lies, and lies. Nothing makes sense anymore. I’m am really hurt and she doesn’t seem to care how much she hurts me by continuing to lie. She hasn’t called me in 5 months and then suddenly she calls me five times in one afternoon and tells me she misses me and wants to marry. I was surprised, but duped again, and hurt again. She stated that she’s dating a lot of different men without being intimate.

But then I was told that she’s actually living with one of the guys. I’m devastated, because there is no way she’s going to live with a guy and not be intimate. How do you deal with a pathological liar? I need closure. Thank you.

Betrayal, lies, and deceit in a committed relationship

Answered by on -


How horrible it sounds to be betrayed like this. I am very sorry that you are going through this. The very short answer is that you do not deal with a pathological liar. There is nothing to teach them or look forward to. The number and depth of the betrayal requires you to grieve the loss, not try to save her.

I would find a therapist to work with as you get out of this relationship ASAP. Yes it is sad and miserable, but trying to get a straight answer from her will only bring more pain. Get out now.

The bigger work is to start trying to learn why you (at some level) chose a pathological liar to be with. Here is an article I’ve written on the motivation behind why we chose our partners. Perhaps that will help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Betrayal, lies, and deceit in a committed relationship

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Betrayal, lies, and deceit in a committed relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 23, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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