My husband lied to me the first year of our relationship. After a year, I found out he was an ex-con for theft, and was cheating. We moved on past it with communication. The next year he was lying and stealing again. He ended up in prison for a year. We spent the year trying to work through everything because we then had a son. We have since got married, and he has been a stay at home dad. He has been great the past few years. He has become my best friend.
About a month ago, he lost his front tooth. He went to a dentist he said was going to do the work and let him write a post-dated check. The dentist kept calling and calling. I finally asked my husband if he was lying about the situation, and just wrote him a check. I told him I understand why he would, but we need to handle it if he did. He looked me in the eye, and told me no that he was telling the truth and the guy was crazy. He was picked up this week for back child support, so he is in jail. I picked up his phone with the dentist called. He told me that my husband told him that he was helping with tornado victims in Joplin when he lost his tooth (not true), and he was about to start a job (also not true), and that he would pay $400 the temporary if he could do it that day, and ordered a $4000 permanent! I was embarrassed. The dentist said he was going to turn the felony check over. I told him I would pay it, because it is on a joint account. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like an idiot. It isn’t the simple lie. It’s that he could go back to jail for it. That he lied to me. That it makes me wonder what else he is lying about. I don’t know what to do with him. He is a great father, and the kids love him. When he is around.
I am sorry to hear of your pain. It sounds very disappointing.
Stop listening to your husband and look at the facts. He has betrayed you directly at least three times in major ways, and each time swearing he has not. His rehabilitation will take years, and there isn’t even the slightest indication that he is willing or able to begin that journey. He has also lied and reneged his responsibility on his other woman and child(ren). You sound like you are simply next in line. His promises have been false and he uses others’ compassion as a tool for manipulation.
Learn your lesson sooner rather than later. Find a therapist for yourself and get yourself free. It will take time, but there isn’t much to work with in this relationship. The find help tab at the top of the page will help you locate someone in your area.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My husband won’t quit lying. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/06/21/my-husband-wont-quit-lying/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 21 Jun 2011) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.