You are very fortunate to have access to a psychotherapist. I receive many letters from adolescents who suffer from a variety of mental health issues but who don’t have or may never have the opportunity to consult a mental health professional. In many cases, their parents “don’t believe” in therapy. In other cases, they may be frightened to request therapy. Many teens suffer in silence. Some live in rural areas where no mental health services are offered or their parents simply can’t afford the cost of treatment.
I would urge you to utilize the mental health services you have access to. You may worry that your thoughts or fantasies may be too shocking. Perhaps you are concerned with how the therapist will perceive you if he or she knows about your fantasies. It’s important to know that therapists are trained to deal with all situations. They recognize that fantasies are just fantasies. What someone fantasizes about doing is not necessarily indicative of how they would behave. In addition, it is common for teenagers to fantasize. It’s actually quite normal.
You have also mentioned that you struggle with anger issues. There are occasions when you feel the urge to harm someone or to light their hair on fire. You “doubt” that you ever would but you need to be certain of this. The most responsible way to handle these urges is to report them to your therapist. The therapist can assist you in developing constructive anger management strategies.
The main problem, as I see it, lies in your reluctance to be honest with your therapist. I would strongly encourage you to report the information that you provided in this letter to your therapist. If you withhold important information, then he or she can’t assist you. Try to be open and honest. The more information you can reveal to your therapist the better he or she can assist you.
I hope this answer provides some guidance for how to handle the issues discussed in your letter. Use the mental health resources you have available to you. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.