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Lonely Boy

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I don’t know what’s going on. I’m great in school, most people like me, and I have a family that loves me as much as I love them. But I wish I could be in a relationship with a girl. Trouble is, no girl will do that. Even girls who have been my best friends won’t date me? Am I ugly? Immature? Weird? I’m not a pervert of any kind. Every girl I ask out, they say, “I’m not ready for this kind of thing.” and then run off with some other guy. I just don’t know what to do.

Lonely Boy

Answered by on -

A.

“My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.”
— Bill Cosby, American comedian

A: Being a 14-year-old young man is tough, but as the famous comedian Bill Cosby notes, the same is true for the young women. I am going to give you what will sound like the lamest advice around, but it is the truest thing I know. All the things you have identified as who you are –are stellar things. You are smart and have a good family and have many friends. Just keep the focus on developing yourself. The relationship you are looking for is something that you believe will mean a great deal to you, and it should. So don’t rush it.

One way to start thinking of this is to notice how you feel around the different girls you are with. You are looking to be with the one that lets you be you, and likes that person. Keep expanding your circle of friends. Somewhere out there is a young woman who has been moping around hoping to find you.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Lonely Boy

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Lonely Boy. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/05/24/lonely-boy/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.