I know these feelings I am having is wrong and this is why it’s killing me inside so please help me out, give me some direction how to get help. I am so scared to talk to anyone because I don’t want to lose my life by being sent to a mental home or being locked away.
I have had a pretty good flowy life, when younger my dad did cheat on my mum and he did illegal things which in turn had cops always coming to our house and people coming to our house that weren’t welcome but most of this happened when my eldest brother Allen was younger. My brother now has quite a lot of issues and anger problems but he’s gotten better over the years. I did watch how he would have rage of fits towards my mum and other family members, he’d also always threaten us but now he’s matured and doesn’t do that. I was bullied a lot in school but i have thick skin so I pushed this bullying off my shoulders but because of this, I am pretty anti social. I can chat to people but have a hard time holding a convosation and I don’t like people all that much. For my age, I am a bit immature and I hate this.
I have never been sexually abused or physically abused.
Before you read below, I have NEVER harmed or touched a animal or a child.
I have a sexual attraction to animals, I found this out about 3 years ago when I got turned on when my animals humped each ether but I didn’t understand it then. As time grew, my urges grew so I decided to do some re-search and found out this attraction was called ‘Bestiality’. I have done re-search on this for quite a while, to this being cruel and it not being cruel, really depending on how the animal is treated and so forth in my mind after doing so much re-search. I don’t like I am sexually attracted to animals but I am afraid to tell anyone this because I don’t want to be banned from owning animals, I haven’t touched my current animals and I wouldn’t. I have told a few people, I wish I could tell my mum but she would freak, my sister is a lesbian and she is barely handling this. My animals are my life and without them, I probably would not be here, I am not a social person and my animals are my best friends and my joy in life.
What can I do about this?. How can I seek help?. I am so afraid if I talk to some one about this, they will take my animals away.
Here is another issue;
Another issue which is really bothering me and I am so disgusted by this. For quite a while now I have had sexual desires towards children, I sometimes wonder how it would feel to touch a child/be touched by a child. I have had thoughts on how it would feel to have a male child’s penis inside me. I know this is so wrong and disgusting to even have these thoughts, I do believe I’d never touch a child as I’ve been around many and I KNOW how WRONG is it to ruin a child’s life because of a personal desire and I could never bring myself to do that, I get so upset and am so disgusted about reading/watching how child molesters do what they do, that’s why I am even angrier at myself. Plus, my friend is a victim of child abuse and I’d never want to do that pain to a child.
I want help for this but I don’t want to be sent a mental home or locked away, I haven’t ever done anything and I don’t think I would because it’s not like I think about this a lot, it’s just pops into my mind sometimes but it’s the fact it’s something I think of sometimes. Also, I have no desire to have kids, I’ve never been interested in wanting kids and dought I will. I like kids but I prefer not being around them.
What can I do about this?. I am afraid if I tell anyone about this, I’ll be locked away or something.