What a difficult, difficult situation. You want to follow your heart in a direction your parents can’t support. I’m sure they mean the best for you. I’m sure they love you. They may even be right about the problems you and your boyfriend will face, coming from such different cultures and families. But it’s not as simple as deciding who is right.
You are all caught in a generational difference that is extremely painful all around. By the older generation’s values, you would follow your parents’ wishes. But young people these days are generally left to discover for themselves whether a match is made in heaven – or not. Sadly, trying to bridge the two has got you lying. It does keep your parents at bay but you are betraying their trust and your own values. I’m sure you’re not at all happy about either.
You may not have realized it, but fighting and tears demonstrates to your parents that you aren’t ready to make such an important decision as who you will date. If you are clear about what you want to do, you should be able to present your views without all the drama. You would then tell your folks that their approval means the world to you but that you respectfully disagree and will make your own choices. My guess is that they don’t want to lose you any more than you want to lose them so you would probably be able to work it out.
The fact that you haven’t been able to do that suggests to me that just maybe you have some doubts that you aren’t able to acknowledge even to yourself. The fighting may seem like you are standing up for yourself, but the lying and the giving in keeps you tied to your parents’ ideals. You’re trying to have it both ways: Do what you want but without risking parental disfavor. I think this is the larger problem: You have made your own choices but you aren’t convinced. The current situation with your boyfriend is the issue that brings your own uncertainly forward. In that sense, it’s not about him. It’s about coming to terms with your own beliefs.
This kind of dilemma isn’t unusual for someone who is 24. The twenties is when most of us come into our own. Like the butterfly struggling to free itself from the cocoon, the struggle to define ourselves, separate from our family of origin is what makes us become a mature adult.
I’m not going to tell you what to do about the boyfriend. I do think you should start by clarifying your own thoughts instead of trying to change your parents’ opinions. The rest will flow from that.
I wish you well.