It would be irresponsible to give or confirm a diagnosis over the Internet but I do believe that I can offer some insight. Many of your symptoms match obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Many people develop OCD following the pattern in your life. They experience a traumatic event such as losing a loved one and subsequently develop the obsessive need or desire to create order in their lives. It is as though the traumatic event creates a sense of being out of control. This out-of-control feeling prompts an outward attempt to create order and control. Perhaps psychologically the loss or traumatic event frightens individuals to the point where they feel the need to gain control. Thus OCD develops.
In addition to possible OCD symptoms, you may be experiencing depression. Specific symptoms include: your desire to self-harm, short-term memory loss, difficulty sleeping, and the increasing desire to isolate. Individuals with depression tend to want to isolate. That is what you seem to have done.
In addition to the social isolation, you are not working or sleeping well. You barely leave the house. This combination of life circumstances may be contributing to your symptoms.
Of particular concern is your sleep deprivation. Severe sleep deprivation negatively impacts brain functioning. Prolonged sleep deprivation might explain your hallucinations and delusions.
Your family may not be able to afford private psychotherapy sessions because of a lack of insurance coverage but there are other options. Community mental health centers (CMHC) usually offer free or low-cost services. Check your local white or yellow pages for the phone number to your local CMHC.
Also, call the local health department to inquire what free or low-cost services may be available to you. Another idea is to enroll in a university-based study investigating OCD or depression. Often study participants have access to cutting-edge psychological treatments.
I cannot confirm or rule out a psychiatric diagnosis. It is always best to be evaluated in person, by a mental health professional to determine when a diagnosis is warranted.
Schizophrenia may be a possibility but it’s difficult to know based on a short letter. Sleep deprivation and other possible psychological and medical problems would need to be ruled out before a diagnosis of schizophrenia could be confirmed.
I hope that you consider investigating free or low-cost services in your community. Please take care. If I can answer any additional questions, please do not hesitate to write again.