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When a Live-in Lover Doesn’t Want the Love

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My boyfriend is great in every way, except he is not interested in any sex or affection; he does not show affection unless I go to him for a quick hug. What can this mean? We are sharing the expenses of living together, we would be hard pressed financially to live apart, so my back is up against the wall here, he says its not about the money problems, yet he doesn’t have any sexual interest in me. And I’m sure he is not gay. What do you think of this?

When a Live-in Lover Doesn’t Want the Love

Answered by on -


This sounds like a sad time for you, and a difficult realization to come to grips with. The first course of action is to start an honest conversation with your live-in. The goal sounds more like an opportunity to redefine the relationship and to be clear about what your disappointment is, and what your current needs are. Depending on the outcome of your discussion(s) some couples therapy might be useful. The above find help tab can help you track down one in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

When a Live-in Lover Doesn’t Want the Love

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). When a Live-in Lover Doesn’t Want the Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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