You two must love each other very much. She loves you enough to share her past and her fears, in an effort to not push you away like she’s done with others. You love her enough to want to help. That makes this situation hopeful. As you’re finding, sexual trauma harms more than the victim. It also affects those around her. Your girlfriend has done a good job getting on with her life. But in high stress situations and when a relationship gets serious and sexual, she gets “triggered.” That means that the feelings and memories of the past traumatic experience flood her to the point that she has to flee. Staying in the situation feels to her like the abuse is happening all over again and she feels powerless to do anything about it. She therefore pushes the lover away or escapes by drinking too much. She knows that these strategies don’t work in the long run. But in the moment, it’s all she can do to get away from the emotional pain.
Fortunately, there are therapists who specialize in sexual trauma. Do encourage your girlfriend to follow up on getting treatment. It is probably frightening to her to think about digging up memories she’d like to forget. Reassure her that therapists who do this work know how to create a safe haven for sharing and for doing it at her own pace. Remind her that if she could do it on her own, she would have done so already. Provide support but don’t push her. The original trauma was one of being out of control. It’s very important that she feel in control of her therapy.
In the meantime, you and your girlfriend might find some helpful information at this website that I found by searching the Internet: http://mydutytospeak.com/military-sexual-trauma/
I don’t have any personal experience with this group so this isn’t an endorsement. It just seemed like maybe it could be helpful.
I wish you well.