I want to leave though. This post is more about my mother and the fact that she may have separation anxiety. After high school, I agreed with my mother to attend community college for 2 years and save money. This year, she even said I was emotionally ready to live on my own too. I realized last year that I needed to get a job because I had a feeling she was not going to have the time to save money. My mom refused to let me get a job and so I had to find one on my own and tell her I got a job after I was hired.
To give a little background information, I never really lived a normal teen life. I have never been to a dance and even missed prom because my mother would not let me. I never had slept over a friend’s house nor have I attended parties on my own. The moment I got a guy friend in college, she stalked him on facebook and even threatened him to never talk to me again. I have never hung out with friends either. I now go out with this guy (who is an amazing and nice guy) who I never told my mom about because I know she would make us break up. We have been together for a year now and I still refuse to tell her about him. She mentioned that if I ever got a boyfriend she would make us break up.
Anyways, I have recently been accepted to a few colleges to transfer to. I got into my number 1 college which I am so happy about. I told my mother I wanted to go there and she immediately said I was aiming low and that I was stupid for not applying to Ivy League universities. She then went on to say I would not be where I am today if it was not for her and that I could never live without her. She then went on pointing out all the mistakes I did in my life. She said I was belittling myself for wanting to go to this college (number 2 college in Virginia) and that I was going to become a low life. She said I could not go to this college….
I cried the night I did not go to homecoming, I cried the night I missed prom, I cried the night my mother said I had to stay home at a community college and I cry every night because she said I could not transfer to my desired college. She wont let me go and it is making me feel like I will never have freedom. My mom has supported me and she is a good mom but…she is controlling, manipulative and two faced. The moment I want to do my own thing, she turns the whole situation around and makes everything seem it is my fault and makes me feel bad. I am going crazy because just thinking about the fact that I may be living at home for another 2 years tears me inside and makes me want to cry. I feel like I will never be able to grow as a person if I stay here any longer. I hope I don’t sound selfish. I want to make mistakes and I want to learn and grow but I will never get to do that if I live with her for much longer. I have nobody to talk to about this. I can’t even go to my mother about personal things because she always end up judging everything I do and makes me feel stupid for doing things wrong. In the beginning of the year she said I was emotionally ready to leave and the moment I get into my favorite college, she turns around and says I am not ready…