I’m very, very sorry you and your family are going through such a hard time. I’m very glad you wrote. You are carrying far too heavy a load for a high school student. I can tell that you are very worried about your brother’s welfare as well as your own and your mom’s. You were right to ask for some help.
It sounds to me like your mother’s behavior may well be because she has been unable to fully grieve her marriage and move on. She is stuck in anger, sadness, and bitterness. Terrified that she is somehow at fault, she looks for someone else to blame. Then she comes to her senses and apologizes. I’m sure she does love you and your brother. But her distress is bigger than even her love for you. That gives us some idea of how big her pain is.
You mentioned that your family moved back to the states so you could have family support. Now is the time to ask for some. Do your relatives know how bad it is? Is there someone who can take on caring for your mother and brother so you can go off to college without them (and without feeling guilty)? Do relatives have other ways to provide you all with some practical and emotional assistance?
If you don’t have relatives you can confide in, I encourage you to enlist the help of your school counselor or some other adult you trust. You all could use some family therapy to help get the family back into balance. Your mother needs help. You and your brother shouldn’t be trying to hold the family together on your own. You all need support as you learn how to function as a family of 3. If your mom won’t go, do go yourself. A therapist will help you find resources for your family and will help you figure out what to do next. Look into whether you are covered by insurance. If not, ask your doctor or school counselor to help you find a free mental health clinic or program for teens.
In the meantime: If things get really tough and you need someone to talk to, the counselors at the Boys and Girls Town Hotline are available 24/7. The service is free. Their number is: 800-448-3000. Here’s the website.
I wish you well.