I was born with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, O.C.D. and I am also transgendered. As a result, I was a very difficult child to raise. There was constant fighting between myself and my parents. At the age of ten, I was sent away to an institution for two years. While there, I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. I couldn’t talk to anyone because I had no trust in adults. When I returned home, the same previous problems existed. I was sent away again at the age of seventeen. I felt no love whatsoever and would not until I was 25 years old.
I became involved in the Army during my teenage years to find a family that cared about me. Because of the child abuse that I had suffered, I never dated or learned people skills. Other than my involvement in the military and school, I had no social life. I was a loner with few friends. After college, while working in Australia, I met someone and felt love for the first time in my life. But because of my past and the ADHD, the relationship fell apart after about four weeks. I was devasted and suicidal. For the next fourteen years, I was in and out of hospitals and seeing doctors. I met another person when I was thirty-nine. Again, the same scenery occured.
I am now fifty-four years old, never been married, and extremely lonely. I have now transitioned to become a woman whcih is probably the only bright side of things. I don’t know how to find someone to love or even have a friendship with. I have matured a lot to the point where rejection doesn’t hurt as much as before but it still hurts. I have sought help from psychiatrists but they say that this is not the line of work. I don’t like being alone all the time but it is all I have ever known. I just don’t know what to do.
When Forrest Gump said that Life is like a box of chocolates, you never knoew what your’e going to get, I really identified with it. Except I feel like all I got was the empty box. I keep trying to think positive and I pray often but I just can’t seem to change my life around.
If you decide to respond to this letter, I would be very happy. Loneliness can be a very destructive and debilitating thing in a person’s life.