Thank you for writing. I’m concerned by your report that three therapists have told you your wife is irrational. I don’t think labels like that are at all helpful. I’m more interested in understanding why someone who loved her husband enough to marry him is now raging and screaming at him. What has happened since the wedding that has stressed her so much that she screams in frustration?
I’m very glad you are going to see a couples therapist who will take a more holistic look at the situation. Couples work isn’t about figuring out who is right. It’s about figuring out what’s going wrong in the relationship that results in people being unable or unwilling to be their best selves. If your wife won’t go, please go yourself for a few sessions. A couples therapist may give you another way to look at the situation. Further, if you go in an effort to save your marriage, it’s a statement to your wife that you think the relationship is worth it. She may decide to join you after a few sessions if she sees you responding to her a bit differently.
You loved each other enough to marry. I think that is reason enough to try couples work for awhile.
I wish you well.