I am incredibly jealous in my current relationship. I have never been a jealous girlfriend before. With previous boyfriends, I felt a pang of jealousy with certain circumstances – like one bf used to stay at a female friend’s house in France for holidays – but I just told myself there’s no point in going out with someone unless you trust them and that worked.
I completely trust my boyfriend, probably more than I’ve trusted any previous boyfriend! Yet I feel distraught when he mentions his past. Even if he doesn’t mention an ex girlfriend I just imagine that they were there. I get upset during sex or if he doesn’t seem to be responding well enough to my advances (all other experiences have been that if I do something sexy, men want to have sex with me, but my current bf sometimes doesn’t respond or just ignores it). I also got upset because it somehow came up in conversation that I had the longest pubic hair he had ever seen. I don’t make much effort on myself but I never have and it’s never been a problem. I’ve always been able to get a boyfriend if I want one so I suppose I’d assumed I didn’t need to try. My boyfriend tells me that he doesn’t want me to make any effort, keeps telling me I don’t need make up and he likes me just how I am, but since he mentioned the pubic hair thing, and he said he liked it shorted for practical reasons during sex, I feel completely inferior.
I also don’t really like it when he speaks to other women, unless they are in a long-term relationship.
I’ve never, ever felt like this before. I think most of it is because I just suddenly think everyone is better than me and that I’m a useless excuse for a woman. My self-esteem just seems to have plummeted over the last year and I’m not clear why. I love my boyfriend but sometimes I think about leaving him. This is because many times a day I feel this simultaneous mixture of emotions – love and heartbreak – the sort of pain I imagine I would get if he left. I just don’t want to hurt anymore.
I don’t act jealous around my bf and would never ask him not to do something/see someone for my sake. I talk to him calmly about my jealousy so I can explain why I am upset but I always make sure I tell him that this is my problem and not in any way his fault. I don’t want him to feel like he needs to change the things he does just so I don’t get jealous.
I’m really stuck on this, I don’t know how to make it stop. I feel like crying a lot of the time. How can I start feeling more confident again? I hate feeling jealous and it is also making my boyfriend feel bad.