My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. There have been minor violations of trust but nothing major enough to cause the trust issues i have. I just cannot seem to get myself to fully trust him. I love him with all my heart and I so badly want to trust him I just can’t seem to make myself, I feel like it has something to deal with jealousy as well.

A: Ultimately trust is a gift we give someone. It’s not really something that can be earned, although it can be easily shattered. If your boyfriend hasn’t done anything that deserves your mistrust, the issue is with you, not with him. Ask yourself why you can’t let yourself trust someone you say you love. Is it the fear of getting hurt? Yes, it might happen. But if you don’t trust fully, you’ll never reach the level of intimacy you could have. You also chance driving him away. No one likes to live under a cloud of undeserved suspicion.

Love and trust are risks we take that say to someone, “I love you enough to put my heart in your hand.” If you can’t do that, you may just not be ready. You may have been with your guy three years but you chose each other when you were only 16. You may be telling yourself that however sweet he is, you’re not ready to make anyone “the one.” Do think about it.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie