There are many sexual fetishes that involve urine or urination. It is also very possible to feel guilt or anxiety about a sexual fetish. Behaviorists would have one explanation for this phenomenon but other branches of psychology would have different explanations. Psychoanalysts would also have varying explanations.
The same area of the body that provides sexual pleasure also is used for urination and defecation. You can see how easily these two processes could be associated within the mind of a child. Parents often make a strong point of telling a child that these areas of the body are dirty and when you touch yourself there you must wash their hands immediately. Many of these children grow up to feel that sexual activity is also dirty. Any pleasure that comes from a “dirty thing” is something that they feel is wrong and as such should produce guilt, they should feel guilty about wanting and liking something that is so dirty.
Sexual fetishes could also be easily explained by early association. Behaviorists believe that phobias are the result of unintended pairings of unconditioned stimuli with conditioned stimuli. For example: the child cuts his finger, he is bleeding, the child has no reaction to the blood. The blood is a neutral stimulus to the child, meaning he has no reaction to the blood. However, the mother screams. The scream of fear of the mother is the unconditioned stimulus, which produces the unconditioned response which is fear and crying, within the child’s mind. The child sees the blood and associates blood with the unconditioned stimulus which is the mother’s scream. Through this one accidental pairing, blood or the sight of blood now has the power to produce the same unconditioned response as does the mother’s scream. This associative learning can endure for a lifetime. As a result the child and in the future the adult, will feel terror at the sight of or thought of blood. In a similar fashion, if a child accidentally feels sexual stimulation while perceiving urine he could later associate urine or urination with feelings of sexuality.
Many therapists who do dream interpretation, would interpret a dream about a bathroom or going to a bathroom in a public place, as a sexual dream.
Many women report female ejaculation and have for many years. Many researchers deny the possibility of female ejaculation but new research has shown that it may be real. Some researchers believe that female ejaculation is really urination but others believe it is not. Recent studies suggest that it is not urine at all but rather a substance that contains many of the same chemicals found in ejaculate. Scientists believe that female ejaculation occurs most frequently with G-spot stimulated orgasms. You are presently seeing a urologist. If there is any anatomical irregularity, I am sure that your urologist will discover this. There may not be any irregularity anatomically or otherwise.
In my mind the biggest problem is the guilt that you feel and also the anxiety. You mention in your letter, that you have not had an orgasm in three years and the event that has prevented you from orgasming in three years, was a small amount of urination at the time of your last orgasm. In my ideal world, I would want you to feel no unwarranted guilt, to have no anxiety, and to have a healthy, normal, pleasurable sex life. Notice, that I had no concern for the small amount of urine that is present at the time of your orgasm. The only concern I have about this is the fact that it produces for you anxiety and guilt.
I would highly recommend that you see a competent therapist, perhaps sex therapist, counselor etc. They could quite easily help you with the issues that we’ve been discussing. I’d like to close this answer by telling you a story that I well remember from one of my early psychology classes. The professor told us about something that Freud had written. He said that Freud had received many letters from the mother of a homosexual man and that the mother had promised Freud a large amount of money, if he Freud would help her child to no longer be homosexual. The mother told Freud how grateful she would be if he helped her son. She told him how worried she was, how she could not sleep at night and the great anxiety that she felt in her every waking moments. My professor went on to say that Freud wrote back to the woman and told her that he could very well understand the problem. He told the woman that he would be happy to schedule her for regular appointments because she was the one who had the problem and the problem was her anxiety and not the homosexual activity of her son. Freud told her he did not believe that the son had the problem but that she did.
I hope that you will take my advice and make an appointment with a competent therapist. You should not be living in fear or anxiety. You should be having an anxiety free sex life, with all the pleasure it can provide. If you have any questions please write back. I wish you the very best.