Abuse in childhood can and often does have a negative effect on development. Good parenting can have an avalanche effect. One positive action can affect hundreds or perhaps thousands of other areas of the child’s life. Unfortunately, a similar truth exists for those who experience poor parenting. Poor parenting creates a negative avalanche effect. Parenting is critically important in the development of a psychologically healthy individual.
The easiest and most efficient way to deal with this problem is to go to counseling. You’ve tried counseling with your parents and it was unsuccessful. It was worth a try but it didn’t work. Individual counseling would be a much better option for you at this time. At some point during the counseling process it may be advantageous to confront your parents. No apology, no matter how profound or sincere, can change the past and the emotional pain that you have endured. You cannot change your past but you can change the future and counseling can help you to do this.
It is important to understand that while you have been damaged by your childhood, healing is possible. Others have been successful and you can too. You are considering suicide because your emotional pain and suffering is so great but please understand that suicide is never the answer. It takes time and therapy is a process but personal growth and healing is the expected outcome.
I am so sorry that you had to endure the things that you wrote about. It was unfair, terribly unfair. Many people have undergone severe childhood abuse. No one that I am aware of has endured this abuse and been left unscarred. However, every case that I am aware of has responded very well to counseling and almost all of these victims of childhood abuse are all now leading happy, successful lives.
Good luck in your efforts.