First and foremost, I’m very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is one of most difficult challenges most people will face in their lives. It’s never easy but generally speaking it does get better with time. Grief can be a complicated process but most research shows that after about a year most people come to terms with their loss. It’s not true for everyone but it is for most people.
Secondly, I am not certain of your exact question so I can only give you a generalized answer. Regarding your work situation, it is unfortunate that your co-workers are taking advantage of you but it seems to be the reality. If possible, you should search for new job. I understand that may not be feasible but some of what you are experiencing is simply not fair and in the case of sexual harassment, not legal. If a new job is not an option for you at this time, it’s important to develop effective strategies to deal with those individuals who appear to be taking advantage of you. Part of your challenge is that you are still grieving the loss of your father. Psychologically, you are not feeling well. Your co-workers likely sense this and are using it to their advantage.
I would recommend counseling. It could help you deal with your feelings of grief and loss. It does not seem as though you are receiving any support at this time. Having supportive people in your life is very important for both physical and psychological well-being. Studies consistently show this to be true. Counseling is available even to individuals who do not have private health insurance. The local community mental health center is often a place where individuals can access free or low-cost counseling services. I would also recommend a grief and loss support group, if one is available in your community. There are online support groups as well.
Another idea is to find a way to honor your father. This might include volunteering for a charity or a cause that he supported. Volunteering might be an opportunity for you to meet new people, express your kindness and compassion for others and to help individuals in need. Charity work can bring renewed meaning to one’s life.
Another consideration is attending church or a prayer group. Many people find solace in religion. You mentioned your fear that God has put you on earth to suffer. God is infinitely mysterious and we can’t jump to conclusions as to what purpose he has for us.
With your work schedule, following your father’s death, you really haven’t had time to grieve. You also haven’t had help with your grief. Counseling is the ideal way to ease the loss of someone that you love immensely.
I understand that you are struggling but it won’t always be this way. People have difficult times throughout their lives but life can and usually does improve. Right now life is difficult but have faith that it will get better. Don’t hesitate to write back with additional or more specific questions. Please take care.