You seem to match all of the symptoms of depression. This is a very difficult time for you but know that there is hope. The fact that you are willing and open to receiving help is very encouraging. By writing to us, you have taken the first step to access the help you need.
The most difficult challenge for you at this time is making contact with mental health professionals. It’s difficult primarily because of the way you perceive your situation. You seem to hold the opinion that you are essentially a failure because you have depression. It is a very self-deprecating attitude. Not getting help may be your way of punishing yourself for being depressed. If you had a friend with depression, I highly doubt that you would be so critical. I suspect that you would be kind, compassionate and would do everything in your power to help your friend. You would most likely never vocalize the disparaging thoughts to her that you believe about yourself. It is important to understand that people do not become depressed voluntarily. I am certain that you would never choose to be depressed. Depression develops for a variety of reasons. It is not your fault. You deserve to treat yourself with the very same kindness and compassion that you would have towards a friend. Thoughts lead to actions. Change your thoughts and you can change your life for the better.
Even though you do not have health insurance, there are ways to access mental health treatment. Local community mental health centers (CMHCs) are an affordable option for low cost counseling services. CMHCs may charge a sliding-scale fee, which essentially means that they negotiate a payment plan based on what the patient can afford. You should also call the local health department to inquire about what low-cost or free mental health services are available in your community. Explain your situation. They should be able to direct you to the appropriate resources, if available.
I would also suggest calling the United States Department of Health and Human Services National Mental Health Information Center, at 800-789-2647. They may be able to direct you to free or low-cost mental health counseling in your community. You may also be able to locate affordable therapy services by clicking on the “find help” tab at the top of this page.
If you are not ready to visit a physician or a mental health professional face-to-face, you may find consolation in one of our online support groups. In-person meeting is recommended but interacting with other individuals in an online setting may give you the encouragement to seek help. The choice to seek help is in your power. I hope you make the right decision and reach out for help. Please take care.