In addition to social anxiety, I believe you may have low self-esteem and are engaged in rumination. People with social anxiety generally don’t think highly of themselves. They lack confidence. They often believe they are not “good enough.” They may not believe they are likable people. Individuals with social anxiety are often afraid of what people think of them. If they felt better about themselves, they would have less social anxiety. In addition, they would have less difficulty interacting with others and their focus would not be on what others think of them.
Rumination is repeatedly thinking about a distressing event or situation. Some individuals who experience rumination report that it prevents them from relaxing or sleeping soundly. Rumination is thought to contribute to depression and anxiety. The more an individual ruminates, the more likely it is that he or she will become depressed or anxious.
Social anxiety and low self-esteem can hold you back in life. You are already seeing evidence of this. As you attempt to work, you psychologically terrorize yourself. It is very self-destructive. You are, at this point, your own worst enemy. At the heart of social anxiety is fear. Fear can be crippling. It can keep an individual from realizing their full human potential. If you have not done so already, it is advisable to seek help for these issues. Social anxiety and the other issues you are struggling with are common and very treatable. Help is available. Cognitive behavioral therapy and other forms of talk therapy can teach you how to have a more realistic and positive opinion about yourself. Medication may decrease your social anxiety. Many people have found the combination of medication and talk therapy to be very effective for the treatment of social anxiety. Please click the find help tab at the top this page to locate a therapist in your community. Self-help books may also be beneficial. I would recommend all of the books by David Burns as well as The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. I wish you the best. Please take care.