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Can a Married Man Love Two Women Equally?

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Can a married man love two women at same time and equally?

Can a Married Man Love Two Women Equally?

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The short answer is yes. In human societies there are both polygamous (one man, multiple wives) and polyandrous (one woman, multiple husbands.) The broader term of having multiple romantic partners, polyamory, applies when the purpose is to have more than one intimate relationship at a time with each partner’s knowledge and consent.

But I think the nature of your question is different from the possibility.

In polygamous relationships the surrounding culture, and certainly the people involved, requires an acceptance and tolerance of the triangulated nature of the interpersonal relationship. So, at least technically, it is possible, but the people must be emotionally prepared to accept these arrangements. The same is true of polyamory — it was recently estimated that there are 500,000 practitioners in the United States.

But the practical nature of this is typically a very unstable, short-lived situation. Woody Allen’s Vicky, Christina, Barcelona explores the temporary and fragile nature of this arrangement. Naturally there are exceptions to this, but it is not an arrangement that many people from traditionally monogamous societies can manage.

Perhaps the more important question here isn’t if it is possible, but if you are willing to accept being in such a relationship. The most obvious issues are coping with jealousy, control, comparison, and self-esteem. For what it’s worth, I have never known this to work for any extended period of time. Even with people I have known to go into the poly societies, they have not emerged from them with a sense that it was workable. The only places I know where it is successful is in cultures where the practice and acceptance is imbedded in the values and lifestyles.

Rather than ask if it is possible for him, ask if it is possible for you to accept.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Can a Married Man Love Two Women Equally?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Can a Married Man Love Two Women Equally?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 18, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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