I believe you are dealing with several issues including low self-esteem, pessimism, procrastination, anxiety and possibly attention deficit disorder. You mentioned that sometimes you feel like a “crazy lunatic” but the truth is all of these issues are very common. The good news is that very effective treatments exist to help you deal with these problems.
Therapy can be affordable. The two main low-cost options for therapy are local community mental health centers (CMHCs) and your university counseling center. CMHCs may charge a sliding-scale fee, which essentially means that they negotiate a payment plan based on what the patient can afford. University counseling centers offer free counseling to all of their students. Usually, a student is eligible for up to 10 to 12 free counseling sessions per year. You may also want to call the local health department to inquire about what low-cost or free mental health services are available in your community. Explain your situation. They should be able to direct you to the appropriate resources, if available.
I would also suggest calling the United States Department of Health and Human Services National Mental Health Information Center, at 800-789-2647. They may be able to direct you to free or low-cost mental health counseling in your community. You may also be able to locate affordable therapy services by clicking on the “find help” tab at the top of this page.
To help deal with the attention deficit problems, you may want to contact your local primary care physician and inquire about the possibility of a stimulant drug trial. Stimulants are medications designed to treat attention deficit disorders. You can work with your physician to determine which medication, if any, would be appropriate for you. To improve your study habits, contact the university career center. University career services centers typically offer services such as study groups, seminars to teach better study habits, exam preparation, time management, stress management, etc. Many students find these services very helpful and you might too.
To help decrease your anxiety and increase more balanced thinking, I would recommend reading four books: The Feeling Good Handbook and Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, both by David Burns; Motivation and Personality by Abraham Maslow, and The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. These books may serve as useful guides for how to change and improve your thinking. They can also help you to learn healthier models of thinking and behaving. These books are most likely available at your school library. They are very good.
I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.