Moving away from home and beginning college are major life adjustments. Virtually everything changes and it is usually a difficult adjustment for most individuals. In addition, many people come to college with expectations about what college life is “supposed” to be. Oftentimes there is a discrepancy between expectations and reality. This discrepancy can lead an individual to feel out of place, despondent, confused, regretful, and depressed. Incorrect expectations may be part of the problem.
Keep in mind that the first year of college can be particularly difficult. People generally begin to make friends in the second semester or in the second year of school. Once you begin having classes with other individuals then you may get to know them and friendships can develop. If you had a support system or circle of friends, life in your first year of college would be much less stressful.
We know there is a problem but what is the solution? First and foremost, it is very important that you stop isolating yourself. This isolation is likely contributing to your negative thinking and your tunnel vision. Think of your isolation as the breeding ground for negative thoughts. The more you isolate the more likely it is that the negative thinking will continue.
Secondly, you could greatly benefit from professional help. The fact that you are considering suicide as a solution to this problem is evidence that you are not thinking clearly. Suicide should never be considered an option. It is always a sign of diminished problem-solving capacity and tunnel vision. The negative thinking is blocking your ability to be objective and logical. I would strongly recommend that you schedule an appointment for a psychiatric evaluation at your college counseling center. College campus counseling centers typically have good mental health professionals who are trained to deal with adjustment-related issues.
Finally, part of your discussion with a therapist should include strategies for decreasing isolation. Some ideas include joining a social or study group on campus. You can also meet new people by participating in extracurricular activities, attending workshops, or being part of a sports team. You should make an effort to have a meaningful conversation with at least one individual every day. I understand this might be difficult because your tendency is to isolate but you must force yourself to make a connection. It can be with a family member, a neighbor, a classmate, academic advisor or a professor. This can help to break the cycle of isolation.
Don’t give up hope. Many individuals experience a very rough start to college but it does get better. What is missing from your life is a supportive network. Begin developing that support system by meeting with a therapist. Try the counseling center on campus and if that is not an option, see your family doctor and ask for a referral for a therapist. Please take care.