Suicidal and depressed
I’m so, so sorry that both your mom and grandma are sick with such a serious illness at the same time. I’m sure that is both very scary and very sad. Please, if you haven’t already, talk to them about it. Give these important women in your family a chance to give you their wisdom and love and to help you figure out how to honor them with your life. As much as you love each other, I’m sure they don’t want you to die with them. You are their future, their hope, and their love carried forward into the world. As hard as it is, as unfair as it is, as sad as it is, you probably do have what it takes to carry on. You are young to be dealing with this potential double loss. I don’t blame you a bit for not wanting to. But I bet you have more inner strength than you realize.
As for the bullying — please also talk to your mom about that. Just because she is sick doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to be your mom. She may have some ideas for what you can do and who you can talk to about how to deal with it.
Please understand: Bullying is a worldwide problem and lots of good people are working hard to stop it. Sometimes a kid gets to be the focus of bullying and it seems to take on a life of its own. You don’t know how to stop it. The bullies don’t know when or how to stop. The kids who are bullying you don’t know what a tender-hearted and good person you are. You need the help of an adult at school to break the cycle and to help give you a fresh start.
I wish you well.