I’m so very sorry for the loss of your father and for the emotional turmoil you find yourself in now. I’m very glad you wrote. What you are describing may be what is called a “grief reaction.” People grieve differently. How and how long we grieve depends on our relationship to the person who has died, our own personality, and our coping skills. About a third of grieving people develop symptoms of depression in the months immediately following the death. About 15 percent continue to find it difficult to function a year or more later. Memory loss, lethargy, and inability to concentrate are common symptoms. So are gastrointestinal problems and problems with eating, much as you described them.
Grieving eople have told me that they just want to world to stop for a while so that they could get their bearings again without worrying about what other people think or having to fulfill responsibilities. Unfortunately, there’s no way to do that. But you can get some good support to help you through the grieving process. Grief work involves coming to terms with the loss, adjusting to what it means to be without that person in your life, and either enhancing current relationships or making new ones that fulfill at least some of the roles the deceased person had in your life.
Many people find it helpful to join a bereavement support group. Sharing with others who are going through the same kinds of experiences can be particularly comforting. Other people look for a counselor who speciailizes in grief work. Still others turn to their spiritual leaders for emotional support and practical help.
You didn’t mention other members of your family. I hope there are close relatives with whom you can talk about your father and his meaning in your life. Sharing memories, crying together, and talking about how to go on without him can be comforting and helpful.
It’s always a good idea to see a doctor to make sure there isn’t a medical problem causing some of the distress. I doubt that you are ill but it’s wise to check. I don’t think you are going crazy. I do think you need an assist to help you mourn and start to move on.
I wish you well.