I cannot offer a diagnosis over the Internet. The best way to receive a diagnosis is for your husband to be evaluated by a mental health professional. Though I cannot provide a diagnosis, I am very concerned about your situation. Based on your letter, it is clear that you face two main problems. The first problem is that you are afraid of your husband. He has threatened to kill you on multiple occasions. He has even listed the many different ways in which he could kill you and not get caught. His behavior is odd, erratic, and unpredictable. It is also bizarre. It is highly unusual for him to have ignored the collapse of the ceiling in your home. You have every reason to feel afraid of your husband. The fact of the matter is that you and your children may be in danger.
The second problem or complication is that your husband laughed at the suggestion of counseling. Unfortunately, you cannot force someone to seek treatment. An individual can be forced into a hospital when they are a danger to themselves or others but at that moment in time, it is often too late. An individual can also be mandated to treatment by a judge after a crime has been committed. My concern is that by the time a crime will have occurred, you and your children may have become the victims of that crime.
You and your husband are no longer working as a common unit. He is no longer caring for the children, the home, or any other aspect of his life or surroundings. In many ways, the marriage is no longer functioning as a marriage. He is doing nothing to help the marriage and even laughs at you when you suggested seeking help. Currently, this is not a marriage and the situation seems to be becoming worse with time.
He needs help but he is refusing the help he needs. This means you have to make the next move. You and your children are in danger. You have to protect yourself and your children from this danger. I understand that this is a very difficult situation because you love your husband but when someone endangers your life and the life of your children you must take action. I’m not suggesting that a partner should leave their mentally ill spouse but in this case, your lives are at risk. You must do what is necessary to protect you and your children from the potential risk that your husband imposes.
You should strongly consider alternative living arrangements. This may include staying with friends or family or living in a temporary residential living shelter. Also, do not hesitate to call the police if you believe that your husband is about to harm you. These actions may save your life and the lives of your children. Your husband has given you every reason to fear him. Do not underestimate the risk that he imposes. I wish you well.