I’m glad you care enough about yourself to reach out to us here. You are gearing yourself to be in the world as an artist, and the uniqueness that nudges creatives into their field has a particular nuance to it. I am going to make three recommendations that were drawn from three aspects of your question. First, let’s deal with the “maternal authority” issue.
I will encourage you to read Alice Miller’s groundbreaking work Drama of the Gifted Child, as it outlines some of the dynamics that I am guessing are in your life. In essence the drama refers to the fact that the creative / sensitive child has to learn what they experienced in growing up with their mother, what they got, and what they tried to get and didn’t. Coming to peace with that is essential. Here is a piece I’ve recently written about John Lennon’s therapy in coping with this.
Secondly, you need to make friends with your own psyche. The best way to do this is to begin brief daily meditation. Here is a link to get you started.\
For the behavioral aspects of this I recommend group therapy. Use the above find help tab to locate someone in your area with this specialty.
Finally, I recommend you watch Wild Man Blues —it is a documentary about Woody Allen. I think it offered some of the best insight into the family dynamics of one of the world’s great filmmakers. What I hope you come to realize from this is that your art will be where the struggle you have identified gets worked out.