It must be very, very difficult to watch the man you love be in such emotional pain. I couldn’t help but notice that he started to decline somewhere around the birth of your first child. It makes me wonder if something about the responsibilities of fatherhood is overwhelming to him.
It’s unusual for someone in this much distress to have to wait a month to see his therapist again. Generally, I would want to see him at least weekly in order to help him open up about what is bothering him and help him learn some new ways to cope. Talk therapy has the most impact in the first month. Medication usually takes a month to reach therapeutic levels. That’s why weekly therapy during the first month is generally advised. If your husband refuses to consider medication, it is even more important that he get engaged in therapy.
Ideally, your husband would invite you to join him in a session or two with the therapist. You can help the therapist understand how your husband behaves at home. The therapist can help you learn new ways to support him – and can help your husband sort out how much of the problem is inside of him and how much of it has to do with how the two of you interact.
If your husband were seeing me, I would suggest to him that “having space” isn’t likely to be helpful. Wherever he goes, he’ll be there with himself. Talking about his feelings with you may make him feel hopeless because he doesn’t know how to do it in a way that gets him to a better place. A therapist can help him figure out ways to make changes that will help him feel less trapped and more able to manage the responsibilities of being a husband and a dad.
I hope he will consider calling the therapist to request another appointment soon and that he will be willing to have you join him for part or all of a session. The two of you loved each other enough to marry and have two children. If you are both willing to give it an honest try, the odds are you can find ways to be a family that is satisfying and happy.
I wish you well.