The new woman has been working for us for 6 months she does a great job but my husband overstepped the boundaries a few different times by taking her out for cocktails and not answering his phone all night. Then 14 days later has a little after party with her and another female coworker using alcohol and not coming home til 5am. Ok so I didn’t make this any better by getting drunk that next nite and passing out on a friends couch. This has been snowballing for some time now leading up to heated arguments and talks of divorce. I love my husband and I know I have my issues as far as anger. How am I supposed to balance everything out?

A: It sounds like things are heating up where you and your husband are working. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to answer your question. But you can’t balance this out on your own. You can be responsible for your behavior, but this is clearly a couples issue. Four things are clear:

  1. There is a problem in your marriage that is significant.
  2. There is an alcohol problem with both of you.
  3. There will be issues at work if you don’t deal with this sooner rather than later.
  4. You need to be in couples counseling ASAP.

The alcohol use combined with the acting out on both of your parts is a clear indication that something isn’t being talked about that needs to be. I would strongly recommend you set up an initial counseling appointment. Here are some referrals for your area. Please don’t wait. These situations typically deteriorate rapidly. Find out what the two of you need to deal with — then deal with it before there is more damage. When you combine alcohol with anger and depression at home and at work, something is going to happen that isn’t good.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan