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Good Enough for Her?

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Okay let me give a back story here so you have some kind of understanding. I dated this woman once before and we ended it quite badly I might add. But she has given me another chance. okay to get right down to the question I feel she is better than me smarter than me just all around a better person than I. I am wondering if I can not offer anything to the relationship why is she still with me. I fail to see the logic of it all and I dont understand it she is smarter faster stronger perfect in a word. And I am just a single dad failure. I have asked her the age old question why me and she only answers with I don’t know. I don’t get it please someone explain this to me.

Good Enough for Her?

Answered by on -

A.

She must see something good and desirable about you, otherwise she would not be with you. Please try to realize that. The issue, as I see it, is not why she’s with you but rather why you see yourself as being inferior. Apparently you do not feel as though you are “good enough.” You referred to yourself as “single dad failure.” This seems to be a self-esteem issue. Self-esteem relates to how you rate your level of self-worth.

Low self-esteem can hinder relationships. It can lead to poor communication and poor problemsolving skills. Poor communication may include the inability to express your true feelings to your partner. It may also lead you to assume that you know what your partner means. In addition, at some point your partner may grow tired of you asking her “why are you with me?” If you are constantly telling her that you feel that you are “not good enough” then she may eventually begin to believe it herself. It is very self-defeating.

Let’s also think about this from a purely logical perspective. It is your opinion that your partner is superior to you with regard to intelligence, attractiveness, etc. and you question why she’s with you. Shouldn’t the fact that a supremely intelligent and superior woman (in your opinion) desires you as a partner prove that you are “good enough”? Questioning her desire to be with you is in essence telling her she is foolish because she wants to be with you. She can’t be both a superior individual possessing great intellect and a fool.

Generally speaking, it is important to have an accurate sense of self-esteem. It can increase the likelihood of developing successful relationships. It can also help you lead a successful and happy life. Individuals who lack self-esteem have a tendency to underestimate their skills, talents and abilities, which means they may never realize or actualize their full human potential. Those are some of the possible outcomes of low self-esteem.

I would recommend that you attempt to work on your self-esteem issues. You can accomplish this in several ways. One way would be to seek individual counseling. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be effective for helping individuals develop self-esteem. Another possibility is to consider couples counseling. I would also recommend reading self-help books. One highly rated book is Ten Days to Self-Esteem by David Burns. Click on the find help tab to locate a therapist in your community. Good luck.

Good Enough for Her?

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Good Enough for Her?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/11/10/good-enough-for-her/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.