I want to be hurt
I secretly want to be sexually assaulted, abused, bruised etc. I think about it constantly. I really wish someone would just hurt me. I’ve never had any trauma though and have had good parents etc. Why do I want this so badly?
A: Thank you for having the courage to ask this powerful question. It is hard to know for sure, because there are many possibilities that might be behind these thoughts, but I can offer some feedback.
First, I would encourage you to begin counseling for these thoughts. The find help tab at the top of this website will help you find someone in your area. As I mentioned, there are a number of possibilities for these invasive thoughts, and I would encourage you to follow up with the therapist.
For starters I would talk about your feelings of self-esteem with the therapist. Sometime the feelings of wanting to be hurt grow out of not feeling good about yourself. Also, other activating events and experiences in your past may be causing you to want to imagine being punished. Your therapist can help you explore these possibilities.
Whatever the reasons underneath these thoughts, the fact that you see them as disruptive and intrusive is a very healthy sign. Not wanting to act on them and looking for help in sorting them through is certainly the right direction.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Tomasulo, D. (2010). I want to be hurt. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 23, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/11/02/i-want-to-be-hurt/