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I want to be hurt

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I secretly want to be sexually assaulted, abused, bruised etc. I think about it constantly. I really wish someone would just hurt me. I’ve never had any trauma though and have had good parents etc. Why do I want this so badly?

I want to be hurt

Answered by on -


Thank you for having the courage to ask this powerful question. It is hard to know for sure, because there are many possibilities that might be behind these thoughts, but I can offer some feedback.

First, I would encourage you to begin counseling for these thoughts. The find help tab at the top of this website will help you find someone in your area. As I mentioned, there are a number of possibilities for these invasive thoughts, and I would encourage you to follow up with the therapist.

For starters I would talk about your feelings of self-esteem with the therapist. Sometime the feelings of wanting to be hurt grow out of not feeling good about yourself. Also, other activating events and experiences in your past may be causing you to want to imagine being punished. Your therapist can help you explore these possibilities.

Whatever the reasons underneath these thoughts, the fact that you see them as disruptive and intrusive is a very healthy sign. Not wanting to act on them and looking for help in sorting them through is certainly the right direction.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

I want to be hurt

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I want to be hurt. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 19, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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