I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for about 3 years. We have broken up twice; both times he was the one who initiated the break up. Everything he always came back to me the two weeks after and asked to be back with me. The second time it happened I didn’t want to get back together, said no, and was single for about a year. I dated one guy during that period. I eventually decided to give my boyfriend another try. We have been together for about 10 months since then. Everything has been really good except for a few problems. My biggest problem trusts him. He has tried to tell me over and over again that he wouldn’t break up with me again like that and he truly does want to be with me. It is just so hard for me to believe that he won’t leave me again. Also, I am so paranoid about him and other girls. I know he loves me but I am convinced that he will find someone better than me and leave me. I truly do want to be happy with him, is there a way for me to do this? What can I do to trust my boyfriend?
“I would rather trust a woman’s instinct than a man’s reason.” –Stanley Baldwin
Thank you for putting this out to us. Trust must evolve mutually between a couple over time and with an enormous amount of care. I certainly hope that happens for you. But what I have read about you in this relationship tells me a lot about you that is VERY trustworthy and wise when it comes to self-care.
The only person you need to trust is yourself. You have already demonstrated that your boyfriend simply wanting to get back with you wasn’t enough to sway you. You made a choice to be with someone else for a year, and are now making a choice to be with your boyfriend.
Keep trusting yourself and your instinct. If you feel things are not going well talk about it, deal with it, change it. Savor the times when it does feel wonderful. If you trust that you will deal with whatever comes from the relationship, which you seem to have done so well with already, you will be in the relationship completely. Your boyfriend will have to bring himself in fully for it to work. Trust yourself to know when this is happening and when it isn’t.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Trust issues with boyfriend. Psych Central.
Retrieved on June 25, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/10/31/trust-issues-with-boyfriend/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.