Hello Gabriel. I’m sorry you’re experiencing so much difficulty. Please understand that while life is very difficult for you at this time it can get better.
You say that you are a total failure but how can this be so? You’re not to blame for every problem in your life. Children and adolescents need guidance from adults, which is something that is seemingly absent from your life. That is not your fault.
What you need most at this time is help from an adult. This could be from a mentor, a teacher, a member of the clergy, a school nurse, guidance counselor, or principal, etc. Please go to one of these individuals immediately and tell them about your situation. If you lived in the United States, I would also tell you to call child protective services. Child protective services could assist you with your living situation. I don’t know if there is a similar type of service in your country. If so, call them immediately.
I hope that you’re able to find the help that you need. If you are able to receive this message, please try to seek help immediately. Go to one of the individuals I mentioned above or go to your nearest hospital and report your situation.
I want you to realize that life can be amazingly difficult for people at some point in their lives. You are not alone. Never give up. Endure your adversity and attempt to do all that you can to solve your problems. The storm will end and you will be strengthened from all that you have experienced. Have faith in God. He has faith in you.
Life is a mystery and it is beyond us mere mortals to attempt to understand the ultimate reasons and purpose of being. Be strong. When you don’t understand why your prayers have not been answered, have more faith in the divine, not less. Perhaps they are being answered in ways you don’t yet understand.
Please take care.