Feeling overwhelmed is a sign that you are doing too much. You can’t ignore your mental health. If you had a severe pain in your leg that made it nearly impossible to walk, it would be foolish to ignore it. Why? Because it’s a sign that something is very wrong and ignoring it prolongs suffering and the condition may worsen. Ignoring your mental health can have a similar negative effect. Depression and anxiety are problems that need to be dealt with. The fact that you are considering suicide is indicative of how severe the depression and anxiety have become.
You need a plan of action. The first thing you should do is speak to your counselor. She or he needs to be made aware of the seriousness of your symptoms.
Secondly, you should speak specifically to the doctor who had previously prescribed you antidepressants. It seems as though your problems have intensified after discontinuing the medication. You and your physician should explore whether or not to resume the antidepressant medication.
Lastly, I would recommend working with your counselor about reorganizing your schedule to make it less overwhelming. It may be time to take a break. This may include working fewer hours, decreasing the amount of time you volunteer or taking fewer classes. There is no shame in taking a break and it seems as though now would be the right time. It is important to know your limits. This does not mean that you have to quit college or working with the research team but it may be wise to temporarily scale back your activities while you seek treatment. I understand that you may not want to do this but the reality is it will be difficult to move forward when your day-to-day struggles feel so immensely difficult.
To answer your specific question, “is it worth it?” Your life is “worth it.” The fact that you are asking such a question underscores the importance of getting help. It’s imperative that you do not remain socially isolated and to ask for help immediately. Getting help is the best way to deal with this problem.
If you feel that you might harm yourself then you should call 911 or go directly to an emergency room. You can also click the find help tab at the top of this page to help locate a doctor or therapist in your community (if you choose not to continue with your current treatment providers). I wish you well and I hope you are able to get the help that you need. Please take care.