Age has very little to do with this. Sadly, there are many women of all ages who choose the wrong guy for all the seemingly “right” reasons. You wanted your daughter to have the father you didn’t have. Who could blame you for that? But you didn’t know the guy well enough to make a good judgment about whether he could be the kind of husband and father you hoped for.
I’m very concerned that you may well have married an insecure man who controls you with the physical threat of violence, emotional manipulation, attempts to limit your ability to be less dependent, and by isolating you. The fact that he burned you and took you where you couldn’t leave when he wanted to talk are huge, huge warning flags. There is absolutely no excuse for doing either. This guy is dangerous when he isn’t getting what he wants!
Your letter doesn’t once mention anything loving, sweet, or tender about your husband. I can’t know if that is due to anger on your part or if it is because those qualities are no longer present. It’s another indicator, though, that your marriage isn’t where it should be.
It sounds to me like it would be very difficult for you to sort out your feelings and negotiate a different kind of marriage while living with your husband. It’s very difficult to think straight while living with fear and without support. For that reason, you might want to take a huge step back and see if you can live with your mom for a time. I’m so glad you have a supportive mom who is encouraging you.
If your husband does want to save the marriage, consider seeing a counselor to help the two of you become a team of two equals who mutually respect each other and support each other’s growth.
Having a male in the house isn’t what your daughter needs. She – and you – need a real man who doesn’t hurt her mother and who cherishes you both.
I wish you well.