I’m only still alive because of my friends and my family – without them, I’d be dead. They don’t know this, and I’d never tell them, but I’ve considered suicide for years on end. I’ve only acted on it two or three times (all miserably failed – story of my life) but I know that I’m their little mood lifter. I couldn’t hurt them like that, so I won’t. They are my life.
I’ve seen a counselor twice – once because it was required for me to go back to school, and the second time because it was part of my probation. These were for anger management (I don’t have anger issues, honestly – I didn’t do the things I did because I was /mad/).
Anyway, I’m stuck in a rut. I’ve got no future other than family and friends. I didn’t graduate high school. I’ve got a record. I’m too dependent on people. I’m nice, but not nice enough. I’m generally a bad person – I’m evil inside and I’m not sure if I should even bother trying to be a good person anymore. I’m so underappreciated.
Even here, I haven’t gotten to the point. I did try, but that’s one of my issues. I don’t know how to get to the point of anything. I don’t understand things anymore, and I guess that’s why I’m here.
I will never seek help in person, by the way. Never. I’ve only ever gone because it was required and I will never go again. Now that I’m 18, no one can make me.
That’s why I’m here. I’m not much of a talker, but I needed to get some of it out. Even though it doesn’t cheer me up or lift this burden, I figure in time it will.I can’t cheer myself up anymore
I can’t cheer myself up anymore
Thank you for writing. The fact that you were able to get yourself to reach out via the Internet is important. I think it is a step in the right direction.
Evil people do not feel the anguish you feel, and don’t reach out for help in any forum. There is more information here about evil, and you are fundamentally different. You writing us, and the care you have for your friends are two big disqualifiers.
If in-person doesn’t work for you I would consider joining our more than 160 online communities. They are free, and there is likely to be one or two you can relate to. Contact with others in an online forum is a safe and convenient way to sort through the range of feelings.
We also have highly qualified therapists online who can chat with you directly. The find help tab at the top of the page will get you to all the information. There is also a link to the various hotline phone links.
You had enough motivation to seek us out and follow through. Now it is time to add to this beginning.
Wishing you patience and peace,