“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.”
~ Jim Rohn
You have had more than your share of troubles, trauma, and disappointment. Life certainly seems to be very hard for you, and yet, you have reached out here, so there is a part of you that has hope and has the resilience to persevere. It is that part of you I wish to address.
Just like you found us on the Internet there are other resources that may be of help to you. First things first. If you feel as though you want to hurt yourself here is the national suicide prevention hotline. Their service is free and they are always available.
Here is some information on social security disability that you may find helpful.
I would also encourage you to seek therapy. Most major hospitals have clinics that have therapy available on a sliding scale, and can evaluate your need for medicine. There is also the National Association on Mental Illness that sponsors support groups. They may have one near you. They also have online support groups.
PsychCentral does too. We have over 160 online support groups. Perhaps one of them will be helpful.
Wishing you patience and peace,