This is a sad, sad story. I’m deeply concerned for your friend and also for all those who love her. Unfortunately, there is really nothing you can do to make her see that she is throwing away years of her life for someone who doesn’t deserve her. She is an adult. She may be an adult who has little self-respect or self-esteem but she is nonetheless an adult who is entitled to make her own decisions. All you can all do is state your opinions calmly and then love her (love her a lot) and hope she comes to her senses.
There are names for guys like this one who take advantage of a person’s neediness and willingness to spend money she doesn’t have in order to keep him attached to her. I won’t indulge in name-calling. Suffice to say, I don’t think much of him. I suppose you could appeal to whatever sliver of character is in him and see if he will do her the favor of breaking it off but I’m not optimistic that he will cooperate.
I do wonder why the family thought sending her abroad would be helpful. I’m sure I don’t have the complete story but I suggest that you all consider whether distance is helping. Sometimes it doesn’t. When people don’t see the object of their love, they can start to fantasize that the person is much more wonderful than he or she is. It might be more helpful to bring her back home where this guy’s behavior can’t be romanticized by lack of contact. Seeing the good, mutual, positive relationships of those around her may also make this guy look worse by contrast.
I’m sure this situation is breaking the hearts of the people who care for your friend. It’s one of the hardest things in the world to watch someone you love self-destruct. As addictions counselors will tell you, sometimes a person has to really “hit bottom” before they give up something or someone that isn’t good for them. Your friend isn’t there yet. Someday she is going to appreciate how much you all have tried to help but she can’t see that yet either. I hope you can find ways to continue to offer her support but also protect yourself by detaching a bit.
I wish you well.