It seems as though you may be having a depression relapse. Your symptoms seem to indicate this. There many stresses during the teenage years. For many people, it is the most stormy and challenging time of their lives.
Medication is one way to treat depression but ideally you should be in individual or family counseling. Many people have similar complaints about feeling “spaced out” while taking some psychiatric medications. Medication alone is generally not considered a comprehensive treatment for depression. Psychotherapy, in addition to medication, is considered, by most mental health professionals, to be the right combination of treatment.
You said that your parents will not take you to see a mental health professional but I would encourage you to ask again. Make them aware of your symptoms. Make a list of your symptoms and show it to them. Another idea is to show them the letter you wrote to us at Psych Central. It may help to underscore the seriousness of your symptoms. If none of these options are effective then speak to your guidance counselor at school. He or she may be able to speak to your parents on your behalf.
In the meantime, try to surround yourself with supportive friends or family members. It would also be helpful if you engaged in extracurricular activities and didn’t spend time alone. The idea is that you want to surround yourself with people or activities for the purpose of distracting yourself from your depression. I understand that this is a very difficult task and it is not a cure but it may help to decrease your overall level of depression.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing so much distress. What is encouraging about your letter is your positive attitude “I have what people call a hard life. But I try not to let it get to me.” You are maintaining a positive attitude despite all of your suffering. This is commendable. It is this positive attitude that will help you ultimately overcome your depression but you shouldn’t have to deal with these problems alone. That why I am encouraging you to speak to your parents and/or someone at the school about what you are experiencing. They need to know about your depression so they can find you the right help. Please take care.