This sounds so painful all around. You’re an American girl living in a traditional Asian family. Your parents may have moved their bodies to the States but some of their values and ideas are still locked into a way of life and thinking that is from another place and time. Ironically, there has been a shift in at least parts of South Asian societies where girls are valued as much as boys and parents invest as much in their daughters as their sons. I suspect that part of the reason your folks haven’t caught on and caught up with that shift is due to two things: There may be unfinished issues with their own families since they eloped and left. Your mother may be projecting her own issues on you. Whatever the case, they seem to be doing everything they can to keep you at home like a traditional daughter. Lowering a kid’s self esteem and limiting her choices can have the same effect as being put on a chain. Every time you make an attempt to leave, you get jerked back. Even if such a chain is made of gold, it’s still a chain.
As an American girl of your own generation, you have some hard, hard choices in front of you. There is a way out. You earned the scholarship and have a way to cut the chain. Being a good daughter, you keep trying to find ways to make it okay with your parents for you to go. For reasons you may never understand, they simply can’t do it. Ironically, the only way they have given you to follow your dreams is to do as they did: “Elope.” Cut the chain yourself and go.
But — and here’s the big “But” — you can improve on the family pattern. Your parents had to go halfway around the world to follow their hearts. You didn’t say, but I have a guess they haven’t reconciled with their families since. You don’t have to do that. You can simply make your arrangements to go to school and continue to love your parents and communicate with them. They didn’t raise a dummy. They didn’t raise an uncaring daughter. In spite of all this current stress, they did do some things right. Honor them for that and then make a clear, calm statement that you need to go and will but that you will always love them. There’s no need for angry words. There’s no reason to shout angry things or slam the door behind you. You can tell yourself that their objections are based in their fears and aren’t relevant to you. You could listen to all their objections, nod, and state again that you are leaving for school, with or without their blessing but that you really, really would like to not be cut off as they have been.
Ultimately, this decision is only yours to make. It’s not my place to tell you what to do. For one very big thing, I might not understand the entire situation. But I at least want to tell you that sometimes leaving home is painful, even when it is to follow dreams. But the pain doesn’t have to be forever. Often such rifts in a family can be healed with time and efforts to stay in touch.
I wish you well.