You are emotionally exhausted because this is exhausting! There’s nothing abnormal about that. But I have a guess that coming out and becoming obsessed are somehow related. Is it possible that now that you are out, you are feeling pressure to make all your dreams of finding an intimate partner come true right away? That may be a very scary thought. If you’ve never had a relationshp before, you may be worried about where to start. If you’ve never had sex, or never had sex with another man, you may be quite understandably unsure of yourself. You may be putting enormous pressure on yourself to have it all figured out when you’ve barely begun to explore this part of life.
One way to avoid anxiety-provoking issues like these is to get hyperfocused on something else – like your penis size, for instance. I’m sure you know that you’re focused on the wrong organ. It’s not the size of the penis that will determine your ability to be intimate. It’s the size of your heart. But even though you know this, the anxiety takes over. It’s possible that you are developing something called Body Dysmorphic Disorder as a major distraction from the scary issues around relationships, love, and sex. Although very painful and hard to control, your preoccupation with penis size is in some strange way easier for you to deal with than the thoughts of what it takes to have an intimate boyfriend.
Psychotherapy is your best bet for getting your thinking back on track. A kind and supportive therapist will help you examine your fears and figure out how to find the relationship you want at a pace you can manage. Yes, you’ve made a decision to come out but you may not have entirely come to terms with your sexuality. Your therapist will provide important support while you do.
It’s unfortunate that most people find it too embarrassing to talk about their uncertainties around sex and sexuality. Becoming a mature sexual person is challenging for most people. You are certainly not alone. I encourage you to make an appointment with a psychotherapist soon.
I wish you well.