“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This quote is the challenge in front of you. You wrote us here because you believe in something that can inspire, offer direction, hope, or some wisdom. The real questions are: What do you want to believe in? What do you want to put your energy into? What will give you purpose?
You are a sensate person, someone who moves through life feeling other people’s pain. There are many of us who have empathy to the point of overload, but we must learn to channel this gift and make use of our talents. It seems the trait you trying to cultivate is compassion. Here is a recent article and some material you might find interesting.
The goal isn’t to be happy while others suffer, but rather how to have compassion for those you can’t help while taking care of yourself and those you can. If you were put on the earth to heal others by sensing their pain you will have to take care, very good care, of yourself so you will have the energy to assist others.
You are smack in the middle of your first identity crisis and are on the cusp of transition. Toward what goal is yet to be determined. I recommend talking about some of these feelijngs with the guidance counselor at school, or in private therapy. The ‘find help’ tab at the top of the page can help locate a therapist in your area.
It is clear from you letter that you have many skills, but they are undeveloped. Pick a couple of your favorite or most outstanding traits and develop them. The world needs heroes and healers. You may want to read a bit on what psychologist Phil Zimbardo has written on the psychology of good and evil, particularly his work on becoming a hero in waiting. Somehow, I think you would be an excellent candidate.
And as far as wanting to unite nations, Mother Teresa has a suggestion:
“Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.”
Wishing you patience and peace,