Thank you for writing. It takes courage to face problems and to ask for help. Good for you.
First, I want you to know that you are not alone. You may think that 20 is old to have these problems. But it is not. Many people do not find love in their teens. You are just now becoming your mature self. You are asking the important questions that everyone asks at some point in their youth. You are considering whether you might have different values than your parents. You are thinking about why it is that you are not getting what you want from life. You are not blaming others. Instead, you are examining yourself. This is all very, very good thinking.
You probably wonder, “What good is the thinking if I am still lonely?” The answer is that thinking can lead to change. Your letter shows that you already know you need to work on being more friendly and active. You know you won’t find what you are looking for by limiting yourself to your classes and your home. You need to go places and do things in order to be an interesting person and to meet people who share your interests. Join an organization or club. Do some volunteer work. Get involved with people who share your talents. Invite someone from one of your classes to go for coffee to talk over what was presented in class. Instead of walking down the street with your head down and your mind in your music, try acting as if you are the confident, friendly person you want to be.
Please, please wait on finding a boyfriend until you know how to be a friend. Attraction and eagerness alone don’t make a good foundation for intimacy. A relationship that grows out of a genuine friendship is more likely to last. Instead of trolling the date sites, get to know some guys through activities. Doing things together will help you get comfortable with men and will help you figure out just what type of guy you want to be with.
I know everything I’ve suggested seems hard for you. I’m sure I haven’t said anything that you haven’t already thought about yourself. But you took an important first step in writing your letter. I have a guess that you are getting ready to make change. As hard as change may be, it is not as hard as being alone and lonesome. Gather up your courage and put yourself out in the world just a little bit. Then do a little more and a little more. You have the desire. Now I hope you can take the steps.
I wish you well.