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Male Orgasm Issues

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My girlfriend is my best friend. The love of my life, for sure. We’ve been together for about 2 years. We began having sex a couple of months ago. There’s just one problem – I have yet to have an orgasm. It’s become something of an issue… I was okay with it at first, you know, for the first couple of times, because she had one, which made it almost worth it anyway for me. But I’m getting more and more annoyed by the fact that I just can’t seem to get there.

I masturbate, usually (and almost never more than) once daily. Here’s my concern… Have I gotten so used to reaching orgasm through masturbation that other methods (i.e. intercourse) no longer work? Will cutting down on the stroking for a while help me? If not, what should I do? I want a normal sex life; I want to be able to enjoy intimate time with my best friend. Do you have any tips or suggestions on what I/we can do to correct this problem and start having a lot of fun together?

Thanks so much for this service, it’s a great resource. :)

Male Orgasm Issues

Answered by on -


This must be a frustrating experience for you, but you seem to have answered your own question. Daily (or more on occasion) masturbation may be depleting your testosterone and sex drive to the point where it may certainly be interfering with achieving orgasm with your girlfriend. I would consider “cutting down on the stroking” for at least two days before you know you are going to be with her. This seems like a reasonable experiment that you could continue. The next step would be to refrain in between your intimate times. See what it might be like to long for her, and if the anticipation helps with achieving orgasm.

If this doesn’t produce results within a reasonable period of time I would consult a therapist at your college and make a appointment with your physician just to be on the safe side.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

Male Orgasm Issues

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Male Orgasm Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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