Thank you for letting us have the opportunity to respond. Your parents have lost sight of their primary responsibility toward you, and you are feeling the loss of their stability. This is making it difficult for you to have some peace in your life, which means your symptoms are very understandable. And…this is a big deal. It seems like your mom and dad can’t be there for you in the way they need to be. While that is unfortunate it doesn’t imply that you can’t find ways to feel better. The fact that you feel frightened by your suicidal thoughts is a healthy thing. If they didn’t frighten you there would be something very wrong.
I know you said you didn’t want to talk about your family issues in school, but you have important needs that are not being met and talking about them is the quickest, safest way to take care of yourself. You found the courage to write us, and in many ways this is the same thing I am asking you to do with someone you trust at school. Perhaps there is a favorite teacher, or a guidance counselor you can talk to. You don’t have to say everything. You might simply start by saying your parents are going through a rough time and you feel upset and want to talk about it. Let them know you had thoughts about hurting yourself that scared you. Good teachers and guidance counselors will understand. You just need a safe place to talk about your feelings.
The goal here is for you to put together a support system for yourself. Talking about it with others you can trust is the right way to go.
Wishing you patience and peace,